An open letter to any boy who thinks it would be a good idea to get too close to my wreckage.
i have so many things to say and you’re the only one who comes to mind. the only one I want to spill my cup over onto. i want to stain your soul with my ideas. i want to haunt your mind with my fears. i want to hold your hand and whisper things you already know right into the center of your earlobe. i want to bury my face in the crook of your arm and laugh until i have no reason to be happy and it just comes as naturally as the way i feel about you. i feel about you. in the nerves between my thumb and my forefinger. i feel about you in my eye lashes and beneath my sternum and against my wrists. i feel about you in the mirror when i see an extra line beside my smile. i feel about you on my taste buds in the morning. i feel things about you. i don’t know what they are but i like them and want them and i don’t know how to tell you. if i did, i would add in how you make my heart light. how you carry me without knowing. how i enjoy the way you take my words and interpret them in the most inappropriate ways possible. i don’t know how to tell you. and if i did, i wouldn’t because you’ve already figured it out. how to tell a person, that is. i wish i was her.
When I was little I believed in magic. I believed in dreams come true. I believed in you. Now that I’m older and reading more books than the Bible, I’m not so sure anymore. The seeds that were sown have all grown alongside reeds overthrown by weeds and I can’t see where I’m going. Or where I’m growing. I know more things now than I did before and I like knowing. But I like to be sure. And more and more that doubtful thorn keeps pushing itself into my side. Knowledge filling my pride with argumentative conversation and attacks on Revelation. And I just want it all to stop. Religious views are misconstrued and drive our families apart. When did all of this start? What happened to praying together and staying together? All we do now is experience pain together. I want to be a child again. Believe in dreams come true again. Imagine there is a You again. Is that something you could do?