The moon in August when she decided to make a double appearance. The snow in winter that usually only visits the mountains, but this year touched base with everyone. My friends who always abandon me but never truly leave. The security guards at the booms who always greet and smile and make my day. Coffee in the morning. Tea in the evening. The old lady on the plane home from the states who chatted about life and love and truth. The warm ocean breeze in the middle of the coldest month. A mother who accepts me in any shape, form or way. The sound of a father’s support. A sister who is a best friend. A meeting with a stranger that turned into an obsession I can’t seem to shake. The ability to understand words. My ability to use them. A boy and his ability to feel my words.The waking of the sun at dawn and its drowsy eyes at dusk. The air and how easily it enters my lungs and my awareness of how easily it can be snatched away. A picture of Dorian Gray. A story about Christian Grey. The Book Thief for the second time. Dancing with strangers. Sleeping with strangers. Being a stranger. Elephants and their majesty. Four little American children. A camera’s magic. A boy with with a camera. A boy. A man. Books. Paper. Pens. Life. You.
And tomorrow I start falling in love in a new year.
When you ask my parents how they met, my dad will tell you the story of POLICE TO MEET YOU!! He was such a romantic. A brave man who walked into the lives of five people and added two more and called it a family. I love you mom and dad. One day I will tell your story to the world. Thank you for giving me life and books and values. You are the most amazing people I know.
Today marks the 1st day of my Birth Month.
It is a Saturday night and I should be out partying but I am stuck indoors deciphering Eliot’s The Wasteland. Man I hate it when poets get too deep for their own good. The more I read it though, the more I fall in love with it. He was either the dumbest writer of all time who stole from other geniuses or he was the only genius who ever wrote. I have this love/hate relationship for this extremely long poem and it’s leaning hard onto the hate side.
That aside, I have decided to write something every day of this month – letters, one-liners, poems, photographs… things that mean something to me and that have played a part in getting me to 25 in one piece.
Here’s to 25 more!!
It is summer and I wish you were here. The nights are so warm.
They remind me of kisses under the bright white moon. They remind me of you.
Fireflies light up the night sky like Christmas lights in June.
They feel like magic and I want to touch. I just miss you so much.
I miss your magic.
The kind you have, hidden behind your smile. That sparkle in your eye.
Except you came in winter. The coldest months by far.
I made it through but I just wanted to be where you are.
Right beside you and those little red bars. The ones that couldn’t warm your icy heart.
Here I am, all thawed out.
I’ve had time and I’ve got it all thought out.
I’ve been thinking and my conclusion is the confusion is too much.
Poetry became my crutch and I want to make it clear.
Just for you to hear.
Don’t tell them.Their judgment riddles me with fear.
We need to work this out between us before we let the others near.
Where is your head right now? Is it where your heart is? Is it worth it to start this now?
If you are doubtful of my ability to love, I’ll let you show me how.
Even though I am quite able.
Here they are. My cards are on the table.
I’d die a thousand times if it meant I could go back and hear those rhymes you spoke to me on that second night.
It felt so right just to sit and bask in your light.
I ask him why but to my dismay there’s no reply.
Still after every cry I wait for something. Someone to show me that this life is worth a try.
And I will try
to show you that I can be your night sky. The only place where you can truly shine.
I’ll hide away. But for a while.
And when you’re tired of burning bright, I’ll carry you in the dawn’s soft light.
I’ll be your butterfly.